The whole "Bake Off" affair. I have no interest in seeing who is the best baker out of some contrived pre-selected group of oddballs, much in the same way I have no interest in seeing who is the best bus driver out of a contrived "random" group of 12 amateur bus drivers. I do enjoy cakes, but the best way to enjoy these is not by watching them on a screen.
The only interesting thing about "Bake Off" for me is to observe how ordinary people process the apparently mundane and arbitrary events on a television programme through the Playdough machine of their own internal prejudices, particularly when some of the contestants might even have the temerity to be foreign and/or Muslim (!).
Now, some people like it. That's fine. If you like it because that's what you like, then that's fine, just say that. But don't try to make it out to be more objectively important, in order to justify the fact you like it. Don't pretend that it is somehow more culturally significant than any other banal voyeuristic formulaic judge-fest. It is addictively cynical format design, nothing more. If you like it, then that is the reason why - either that or you just like cakes and would watch anything with cakes in them regardless, in which case your opinion is worthless, obviously.
Anyway, some ideas for a replacement reality format for the BBC to fill the prime-time sh*t-shovelling void in the TV schedule.
Format: 12 amateur snooker players (mostly housewives wearing aprons) are judged on their ability to push balls around a green table with sticks.
Title: The Great British Break Off
Judges: Ronnie O'Sullivan, who believes he is too good for the show and it is beneath him to participate (quite correctly), and Steve Davis (who isn't as boring as he was supposed to be, albeit still very boring).
Comic Presenters: Jim Davidson, who hilariously ridicules anything the Chinese contestants say or do, and John Virgo, who is awful in a series of spangly waistcoats.
Theme: martial arts
Format: 12 wannabe prize fighters (mostly housewives wearing aprons) try unsuccessfully to avoid starting fights with each other, for an hour every Thursday in a marquee on a country estate.
Title: The Great British Back Off
Judges: Tony Jaa, who communicates only through a serious of sudden elbows to the head, and Steven Seagal who is incoherent by comparison.
Comic Presenters: Sylvester Stallone, wearing a series of jaunty berets, and Jean-Claude Van Damme, who plays twin brothers throughout, leading to hilarious misunderstandings.
Format: 12 amateur theoretical physicists (mostly housewives wearing aprons) are judged on attempts to resolve a series of ill-posed and unsolved problems in quantum mechanics, relativity and string theory.
Title: The Great British Quark Off
Judges: Stephen Hawking, who just sits there leering, and God, who may or may not exist, leading to a hilarious series of misunderstandings.
Comic Presenters: Dara O'Briain (ubiquitous on anything sciencey, for some reason) and Harry Hill, who just does his usual nonsense but wears a white coat.
Theme: Actual sh*t shovelling
Format: 12 amateur zookeepers and sewerage workers (mostly housewives wearing aprons) are judged on a series of dung-relocation activities featuring a variety of different animal droppings. Week 1: Komodo dragons.
Title: The Great British Bog Off
Judges: Paul Hollywood, who as usual judges all efforts based on taste and texture, and David Attenborough, who every week says "I can't believe they convinced me to do this sh1t" leading to hilarious misunderstandings all round.
Comic Presenters : Vic and Bob. Highlights include laxative-laced animal feed and booby-trapped perforated black bin bags.