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TheRoonBa

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#61 [url]

Aug 7 14 11:12 AM

nfm24 wrote:
Jaffa cakes will be the new currency after the Enlightenment.

Where can I convert my old custard creams?

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#63 [url]

Aug 8 14 12:02 AM

Exactly, it's a brilliant plan (if I do say so myself) to dupe people into thinking the Enlightenment sounds like a fun happy time. Similarly, all vehicles will run on Haribo.

> Where can I convert my old custard creams?
At the Bourbon de Change.

Coincidentally, I read a headline in the "Ceylon Daily News" (1960s) which said simply "Biscuits Crushed". It was about a match in which Ceylon Tobacco beat a team of the Biscuit Company. Everything is falling into place.

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TheRoonBa

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#64 [url]

Aug 8 14 2:48 PM

Having jaffa cakes as currency also means that cocoa and oranges will be in demand, and in fact will disprove the old adage that money doesn't grow on trees. It might also give rise to a new phrase in English-speaking countries - "Jaffa Jaffa?". The only problem I can foresee is that vending machines will all have to be adapted so that jaffa cakes can fit in (and also, if you pour boiling water into an ATM, you could possibly destroy a lot of currency held by the bank). In general, you could make someone very poor just by heating them while they are holding a pile of jaffa cakes. But I'm sure you've thought of all those eventualities and have a way round those pitfalls.

Vehicles running on Haribo is quite likely to also be a brilliant idea, judging by all your other brilliant ideas. I can't see any problems at all with that plan. In fact, I don't know why they don't just do it now.

Mr. Sanger - I wouldn't bet too much on being rich due to only using jaffa cakes as currency. Mould might very quickly set in if you are to become a miserly stockpiler, unless you invest in ample freezing facilities.

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#65 [url]

Aug 8 14 6:28 PM

From my experience they seem to last as long as other biscuits on the outside at least smiley: wink. And I'm assuming in this scenario bank vaults will be replaced with freezer rooms anyway. If all else fails, investment or something...

Alternatively, switch it around so that jaffa cakes are fuel and Haribo is currency. Happy world...

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#66 [url]

Aug 9 14 12:44 AM

TheRoonBa wrote:
In general, you could make someone very poor just by heating them while they are holding a pile of jaffa cakes. But I'm sure you've thought of all those eventualities and have a way round those pitfalls.
I thought it was implicitly clear that a fundamental outcome of the Enlightenment is that all troublemakers such as yourself you mention will have been Enlightened and thus will no longer be capable of such malevolent behaviour.

TheRoonBa wrote:
Mr. Sanger - I wouldn't bet too much on being rich due to only using jaffa cakes as currency. Mould might very quickly set in if you are to become a miserly stockpiler, unless you invest in ample freezing facilities.
Indeed, all part of the post-Enlightenment economy -  all currency deteriorates over time.  Basically, a kind of inverse inflation.
Also, only McVitie's Jaffa Cakes are to be legal tender.  None of your own-brand counterfeit shite.

TheRoonBa wrote:
Vehicles running on Haribo is quite likely to also be a brilliant idea, judging by all your other brilliant ideas. I can't see any problems at all with that plan. In fact, I don't know why they don't just do it now.
Mainly because the prototype blueprints for the Haribo Rickshaws are not legal under current (pre-Enlightenment) international child slavery laws.

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TheRoonBa

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#68 [url]

Aug 9 14 10:31 AM

nfm24 wrote:
mattsanger92 wrote:

Alternatively, switch it around so that jaffa cakes are fuel and Haribo is currency.
That would be ridiculous.


I know, eh? :rolls eyes:

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TheRoonBa

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#69 [url]

Aug 10 14 9:34 PM

Where can I find the results of Generic Rants ##1 through 5416?  I looked on Wikipedia, and it said they were cancelled.  Is this true?  I also heard that Generic Rant #780 was actually a duplicate of Generic Rant #750, but I can't be sure.  In any case, how can it be a duplicate if they were all cancelled?  I don't know what to do!


Neil, do you have any scans of these rants?

Last Edited By: TheRoonBa Aug 10 14 9:39 PM. Edited 1 time.

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#70 [url]

Aug 11 14 12:18 AM

I have all the results of the rants, however I have elected not to publish them so as to promote suspense and anticipation.  Always leave them wanting more.
I shall take this approach in future with all tournament and match results which I research. I will obscure one of the results, and leave others to speculate on what it was ;-)

Last Edited By: nfm24 Aug 11 14 1:23 AM. Edited 1 time.

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TheRoonBa

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#71 [url]

Aug 11 14 11:26 PM

I had a recent experience (and am still having it) of trying to get what amounts to 17 results for a certain sport (rollball) - they have the info, but are busy. Always busy. But as the sport is new, and there aren't too many tournaments to organise, and they don't really have a functioning website, I wondered exactly HOW busy they could be. Anyway, I thought it would make it easier if I mentioned specifically the results I needed. 6 months later, I took the sport off my site, and thought I would just tell them that I'd done so as a parting shot - along with telling them that if they are not serious about their sport, how do they expect others to be?

I have now been sent an apology (good grief), and a 4-page word document pertaining to one tournament (from which I was only missing 1 result). So now I need 16 results. 6 months to get 1 result! It's clear from all of this that in general, people do not really read the content of e-mails. I've sent about 15 over the 6 months basically saying the same thing, and even giving a link to my collection of results so far, so that they can see the missing results (highlighted in garish yellow). I'm ultimately trying to save them time and effort (as well as give them another outlet for people to at least see something about their sport and maybe become curious), but in the end, it just seems pointless.

This is of course not rollball-specific. It happens many times when you try to lessen the burden on the person providing the help by minimising what they have to do, but in the end, they complicate things by not paying attention to what you say and then becoming frustrated that they are having to send you lots, when in actual fact, you only want a little.

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#72 [url]

Aug 11 14 11:53 PM

Ah I suppose I should come clean. Rollball is just a fictional sport which I invented to wind you up... :-P

People are in general not good at reading things properly, or understanding anything voluntarily. This makes my day job much more laborious than I would like.

People often need to be metaphorically kicked repeatedly before "getting it" and doing as you wish, even when it is massively in their own interest to do so. Your site is probably the only place that their sport is given equal billing alongside the major sports. Yet even the people who run the sport are too incompetent to provide the most basic info, not even after your repeated requests. Claiming to be someone "busy" when they can find the time to administrate an obscure sport...

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#73 [url]

Aug 13 14 5:31 PM

So I'd never heard of rollball until I YouTube'd it, looks like just handball on roller skates smiley: indifferent. Definitely wrong on their part with the results, though, just seems like basic human nature to at least offer some sort of response if someone asks you for something specifically. I used to see so many job applications treated as though nothing had been sent at all, to the point where a generic rejection template was a godsend.

On a completely different subject, I've noticed recently how many websites have taken on redesigns that make them look so unbelievably generic, a plain white base with stable header, an almost 'widescreen' view, and useless video adverts/'live features' that do nothing but use up computer memory. I know some people here aren't the biggest FIFA fans, so if you needed another reason, they have one of these new-age website designs now (http://www.fifa.com/).

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#74 [url]

Aug 13 14 6:18 PM

As if to illustrate your point, I clicked on the link to fifa.com  and my browser immediately crashed, just showing an endless picture of Franck Ribery that took up 85% of my browser window.
Only pictures and videos are enough nowadays...   that's why I'm leading a campaign to ban high-speed broadband internet.  Bring back dial up.  Then you had to minimize faffy bells and whistles.

But no.  The UK government is spending money on giving everybody faster broadband so the have better access to porn international business opportunities, and also, as a real world analogy, a hugely expensive slightly faster train route between London and Birmingham...

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#75 [url]

Oct 13 14 1:49 AM

Adverts which suggest that banks are friendly and make the world better.

Adverts featuring generic ukelele music.  Except possibly adverts for ukeleles, if any exist.

Any film which opens with generic ukelele music.

Any "coming of age" film (almost all of which involve generic ukelele music).

The implication that people will somehow "find themselves" after fannying about aimlessly for a while.

The portrayal of women in the vast majority of films.

Any actor who is clearly at least 30 but still gets by playing teenagers in "coming of age" films.

Ban Ki-Moon. Not him personally, just the idea that such an uninspiring person should be positioned in such an important job.  

Small coins.

The plastic fork sometimes included in a pack of sushi.  Nobody eats sushi with a fork, and even if they did it would be impossible to do so given the flimsy blunt plastic twig provided, without causing the sushi's integrity to be compromized (in every sense).

Airline passengers who insist on forming an anticipatory queue prior to the commencement of boarding, oblivious to the "zone" system, and perhaps also to the fact that the plane is not going until we've all got on.

Airlines who permit passengers to board despite their obvious flouting of the "carry-on" rules.

The deterioration of the television programme Q.I. from something which initially was occasionally interesting and funny to something which is neither, despite the potential talents involved.

People who use shopping trolleys in supermarkets when they are only buying about three items.  

People who enter supermarkets without any idea of what they might want/need, or indeed what on earth they are supposed to do after entering such a place.

People who clog up supermarket aisles taking a ridiculous amount of time to choose between two different brand items of negligible difference, as if their decision is somehow as crucial as Indiana Jones choosing the correct Holy Grail.

Dawdlers generally.

People who put generic posters of art exhibitions (which they did not attend) on their domestic walls in an unmaskedly cynical attempt to make it look as if they have any taste/personality/culture.

People who think it's OK to eat a McDonald's meal on a busy train.

People who insist on having information provided in the precise format which is easiest for them, and are unwilling to make any effort to convert it from an alternative but equivalent format.
For example, a taxi company who insist on having the postcode for a booking and will not accept a street address.

Deliberate "non-conformists" who actually are conforming to a defined alternative, yet appear to believe that they are somehow individual/unique/original/special.
E.g. geeks who deliberately make themselves appear stereotypically geeky (e.g. by wearing generic Death Star t-shirts and so on) so as to emphasize their eschewal of popular culture (fair enough), apparently without understanding their own hypocrisy.

On the theme of geeky t-shirts, I would like a T-shirt with the following maxim please:
"Custard creams may be drab, but at least they are safe."
I would never wear it, obviously.

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#76 [url]

Oct 13 14 1:50 AM

"My presentation, as mentioned above, was about liquorice snail doughnuts."

This sentence is much better if you (as I did) fail to remember everything that preceded it.

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#78 [url]

Oct 13 14 6:38 PM

So this thread is back with a bang...

Agree with the concept of 'finding yourself', but I think there's a lot to be said for a bit of solo travel. People who are going to Thailand on party island somewhere should be automatically disqualified, unless that's the place where you get your quiet reflection smiley: eyes. I'm guessing a lot of those people tie into your cultural poser complaint?

I'm guilty of being in a supermarket with no purpose, but only to kill a small amount of time before the next bus, etc.. I'd rather be walking around than standing around...

Also guilty of eating on public transport, but only for Subway on a near-empty bus. Can't stand it when people eat strong-smelling food in an enclosed space though.

On adverts, the banking ones can be hilarious in their own depraved way. It's betting ones that are the worst right now though, I'm all for advertising it but so many companies put through 'attention-grabbing' concepts and pointless party music that it makes Ray Winstone's efforts some of the most tolerable ones. The first few Tiziano Crudelli ones for Ladbrokes were good, but then like most decent marketing concepts they overdid it, I fear the joke was lost on a lot of British audiences anyway ('look, it's a crazy foreign guy with Chris Kamara!').

For actors guilty of the overage stuff, might I recommend this as a directory for your hate: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DawsonCastingCan't say I've seen too many 'coming of age' films so I haven't become sick of them yet. Same with ukuleles, the only things I ever remember them being in is the Rayman video games and Bob's Burgers. I'd recommend the show if you can find it, deadpan kind of comedy that isn't offensive for the sake of it, but I doubt you'd make it past the titles:

Last Edited By: mattsanger92 Oct 13 14 6:42 PM. Edited 1 time.

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#79 [url]

Oct 13 14 8:23 PM

Those were just things that bothered me over the weekend. You could probably use it to trace my exact itinerary of annoyance.

Solo travel fine if not aimless, I particularly meant the kind of American (or Americanesque) summer-dither films.
If you're deliberately killing time then you do have a purpose of sorts I suppose, so I'll let you off there.
Betting adverts are irritating on a superficial level but are at least more honest than banks. The bookies are happy to portray themselves for what they are, because their customers know and accept it. Banks lie.

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#80 [url]

Oct 13 14 9:13 PM

nfm24 wrote:
Those were just things that bothered me over the weekend. You could probably use it to trace my exact itinerary of annoyance.
So we can assume that this weekend (in no particular order) you saw a coming-of-age Dawson-casted film with ukulele music and a misrepresented woman, travelled there on a busy train with McDonalds-eaters while you met a cultural poser with small coins that just came back from 'finding themselves', took a confusing taxi for a plane with carry-on and queuing issues, had untraditional sushi and a bad episode of QI on the flight, and visited a supermarket where you were surrounded by indecisive non-conformists. And something to do with banks and Ban Ki-Moon.

That everything? Bingo. At least you can't call it uneventful...



On the topic of adverts, Apple have had a poor campaign going for their 'flexible' and hair-ripping iPhone 6s... was watching an American on-demand TV service and noticed that one of the Apple commercials (on the fitness features of the phones) is identical to one of ours with some localised dialogue replaced. Although their 'healthy snack' had almost as many calories as our 'tasty treat' example... smiley: roll

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